BECOMING You.

May 5th, 2022

Something I was thinking about today while having what I call “a perfect morning”, really a perfect 24 hours, with Garrett, is… “Wow, we are so On right now… So connected, so attentive, so kind and selfless. This is perfect!”

I started thinking about the fact that I wish every day was like this (which is funny because I’m usually the reason every day ISN’ T perfect, because Garrett is… Garrett, and if you know him you’ll understand what I mean), and I started realizing how much of a deceptive expectation of thought that was…  “Perfect relationships” are a lie. Just like “perfect” businesses, start to finish, are a lie. And “perfect children”, or the perfect home, or perfect places to live, or perfect anything!

We live in a society where the divorce rate is over 50%, and keeping my faith and all that completely out of it because that’s a whole other novel of thoughts, I don’t think the majority of the 50% is a “you picked the wrong person” problem, I literally think it comes down to an ‘expectations’ problem. Besides my opinions on communicating, choices, and all sorts of other facets of marriage and relationship… hear me out… 

Imagine you went into relationship EXPECTING ebbs and flows. 

Waiting for them,

acknowledging them, 

and embracing them. 

Expecting ups and downs. 

Expecting your partner to fail… 

How different would the action/reaction process be in a relationship if you expected them to “fail”, for example, ‘they forget to do something nice for your birthday’, and then when they did, it wasn’t this huge deal and you could just work it out, and GROW. 

Or if you spent an evening getting the house clean, cleaning up yourself and looking and smelling awesome when your partner got home and ‘they didn’t have the reaction you thought they would’ (maybe because of a completely overwhelming day) and you just embraced their reaction knowing that next time it’s likely to be different and enjoyed the moment with them regardless of their “fail to act” (aka, humanness) versus waisting time being upset and arguing or looking elsewhere for that attention or recognition that you felt you deserved and didn’t receive. Or if you just expected and embraced the fact that your partner would get super cranky and irritable one week in the month because her hormones are making her into a creature somewhat resembling Satan himself 😉… How much different you would handle her if you didn’t allow yourself to be surprised about it, and just embraced her as who she was in that moment, and there wasn’t the tension of “I need you to be on, and happy and joyful, and you’re not, so I’m upset”.

I truly believe we wake up every day with the desire to achieve perfection in the different categories of life that day, and often we expect that our partner to just ‘show up’ in that perfection and be perfect… and then when they aren’t, we are upset. 

Mindset is absolutely EVERYTHING in this life… and for the sake of how great it feels to be so ON with Garrett right now, after being OFF lately because our schedule is insane, and we hardly have time to slow down with each other because of everything going on in our lives, I am choosing to have the mindset in my relationship that I will not have perfect expectations from Garrett, and that I Choose to embrace his actions and reactions, needs, and humanness… And by choosing that, it makes it a whole lot harder to be upset, ever.

Then, when you have days like the last 24 hours with G and I, where you’re able to slow down and hen you’re able to spend time to truly connect, spiritually, intellectually, intimately/physically, and really get into a venerable place with each other, the ebbs and the flow are so beautiful, and you REALLY appreciate it.

So don’t expect perfect. Don’t expect perfection from your partner. Don’t expect perfection from yourself! When they don’t show up the way you expected, allow it, embrace it, talk about it even, but skip the upset feelings because of an unfair expectation of perfection…

In a world where we KNOW perfect doesn’t exist, and yet we strive for it consistently to a point where it hurts us and changes the way we show up, and we stop showing up as authentic… Choose to be Perfectly Imperfect. Expect imperfection. And watch how Happy, easy, real, and genuine the every day interactions become… Kind and unconditional. 

❤️❤️❤️